Father’s Day is just around the corner. When we think of Dad and our homes, there are many stereotypes that come to mind.
Dad’s the one mowing the lawn until one of the children are old enough to want to do it and young enough not to protest too much.
Dad’s the one off in the shop, basement or garage tinkering on something, probably just finding his quiet place. Dad’s the one with his head under the sink fixing an annoying drip. Dad’s the one stretched out in the den or living room engaged with his favorite team.
We know where to find Dad in our home and it’s where we expect him to be.
Time has a way of slipping by and there may be subtle changes at first, then more obvious. Dad may need to take a break before finishing the lawn care.
He may be tinkering in the garage, but the projects take a little longer. The drip might be dripping for a while, and the time stretched out in the den may seem more frequent. That’s certainly not a problem or cause for concern, but a hint to start thinking about long-term planning.
Moving is not the only answer to dealing with necessary house maintenance.
There are many choices today, but the key is to actively discuss and make decisions about the future. I am constantly learning about creative living choices from the people I meet and would like to share an idea or two.
This past winter, I worked with two inspiring brothers.
They called me suddenly one afternoon, and I rushed over to meet them as they seemed insistent that I should. I was instantly engaged. I visited them all afternoon listening, laughing and learning.
They were both dads and granddads who were fiercely independent in spite of physical restraints, including the nasty relentless disease of multiple sclerosis ravaging one brother and spinal injuries plaguing the other.
They shared a modest house in which each had one side of the home, with a kitchen in the middle. One brother was a fabulous cook and I looked forward to the smells of his treats each visit. They were in poor shape physically, but mentally and verbally were feisty.
I am not sure if they really liked each other from some of the banter back and forth. Talk about the “Odd Couple.” Whatever their relationship really was, it worked.
The colorful stories were sometimes a bit more than I was used to hearing. I can’t share them here, but I am blushing just thinking of what I heard.
I remember, as I was listening, that it struck me how these brothers supported each other. They were healthy in that they knew they needed each other and figured out how to make it work. Even though they had children, it didn’t seem like they were in a position to assist their parents with daily needs.
And I am sure the brothers wouldn’t ask for help because of their personalities. When I met them, they had a new plan.
They knew their physical needs were getting more demanding and this arrangement couldn’t last forever.
One had an ex-wife and daughter in another state who lived in a large home. The other brother said, “Let’s move in with your ex-wife because I get along with her just fine.” It seemed perfectly logical as I got to know these two. They brainstormed and came up with a couple of ideas. One was to move into the downstairs of her home, which had a separate entrance.
The other thought was to use the proceeds from the sale of both homes and find something that would be even more suitable for the three of them.
They could pool their resources, comfortably buy a home together and share expenses. I particularly enjoyed the notion of an ex-husband, ex-wife and brother/ex-brother-in-law living together under one roof. They sold their Missoula home, moved and as far as I know they are making their plan work.
I sure would like to visit and learn from them some more. They were an inspiration.
Here’s another story that I heard recently. Two weeks ago, we packed up Carter, our younger son, from his junior year at college and drove him home from Arizona. One night, we stopped at a hot springs for the evening and enjoyed a soak after a day in the car.
There, I met two sisters who seemed about my age.
They live two hours in opposite directions, so arranged to meet and enjoy the day soaking together. They obviously enjoyed each other’s company, a little better than the two brothers appeared. They were a wealth of knowledge about hot springs hidden here and there. (The next night, Carter, Mark and I even visited one that they suggested.)
As the conversation twisted and turned, we started talking about places to live. Then one sister remarked that she wished she had kept her larger home in a town she loved, so she could have shared it with her sister.
She said it was big enough for them each to have their own space and privacy, but they could have enjoyed living in the same town and supporting each other if needed. The more we talked, the more excited they became at the prospects and possibilities. We were still talking as I got out of the warm water, dried off and went to find Carter, who had disappeared much earlier as I daydreamed with these sisters. What a warm conversation.
The best inspiration for me and many others is that as we age there are more options about how we live than we have ever considered in the past. As we continue to have these dialogues with each other, even more ideas will surface. Father’s Day is a great reminder that spouses, children, brothers, sisters and good friends can support each other in many ways so we can continue to lead active lives. We shouldn’t feel bogged down by our homes, their maintenance and physical constraints.
The important thing is to figure out how to spend more time soaking in the springs, connecting with exes or just watching the game, whatever brings you the most satisfaction and the best stories to share.
Joy Earls is a broker/owner of Joy Earls Real Estate. She can be reached at 531-9811 or joyearls@joyearls.com.
